The Boy Behind The Eyes
by Darkness.of.the.Day
Summary: Marauders Era. Based during their 4th year. A fair few OC characters. Remus/Lily. Lily has a boyfriend, Remus is forced to keep a secret, James obssesses over Lily, Sirius is peeved, Severus is unsure as to where his allegiances lie; what will happen?
1. The Boy Behind The Eyes

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Okay so this is a lily/remus fic. If you don't like it, don't read it. But if you still want to,, make sure you review =)

**This was one of my earlier fics so it might turn out to be dreadful... **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Read and Review. **

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This is a story of hurt, heartbreak and pain. However, each of these emotions come joint with one other; love.

To understand a tale you must start at the beginning.

And that is where our journey begins; in late October of the year 1974.

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James Potter… any girls dream guy… In looks. Of course he was an arrogant and conceited jerk who got his own way in practically everything. And by calling him a dream I of course mean a nightmare. James Potter would be about as good a boyfriend as a frog. He would never buy you presents out of the blue just because he loved you. He wouldn't blurt out that he loved you if there was no reason and I wouldn't advise you to expect him to remember your birthday. So in short he has the opposite personality to a typical girl's fairytale prince.

Remus Lupin was one of the sweetest boys I'd ever met and there was no question as to whether he would make a good boyfriend. He was an… intellectual. Yet one of the most popular boys in Hogwarts and, like his fellow 'marauders', sent girls into a glaze as he entered a room. His longer hair, perhaps not as fashionable as his fellows, was certainly as sexy. His clothes were always torn in places and were scruffier than others, yet this seemed to make him all the more desirable. However, everyone has their flaws. Even Remus Lupin, my knight in shining armour. But I wasn't to know this at the time and I never suspected something might be wrong with my perfect prince.

***

"Heya Lil's." Remus said from behind me. I smiled and turned my head slightly as he bent down to kiss me. "Guess what I've got for you." He whispered softly in my ear and I shuddered.

"What?"

"Close your eyes." I obeyed and he took hold of my hands, moving them into the shape of a book and placed a box in my open palms. "Now open them." I did so and resting in my hands was an olive green velvet jewellery box.

"What's this for?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Nothing. Just to show how much I love you." Smiling, I opened it.

"It's… beautiful."

"Here let me put it on you," I passed Remus the necklace and he fastened it at the back of my neck. I held up my pocket mirror and admired the elegant piece. Resting on my neck was a double twist greenstone jade pendant. It was made in New Zealand, by the Maoris' who live there. I read on the back of the box that the double twist represents a bonding of friendship, two lives becoming one for all eternity. I smiled and turned to Remus.

"Thank you." I said and I lay back on the grass. Remus lay next to me, propped up on his elbow. He pushed my hair delicately behind my ears, his hand caressing the side of my face. Lying on the ground with the grass between my fingers, the wind blowing gently, rustling the trees and Remus' face looking peacefully down at me, I drifted off to sleep.

***

"Go out with me Evans." James requested, sitting on the arm of the chair I was sat on.

"No." I replied without looking up from my book. James had started this obsession with me about 2 weeks previous. I was confused by the attention. I wasn't one of the "cool" girls who James and Sirius usually hung out with. To put it bluntly I was a geek and a loner. I had few friends and I worked too hard and thought too much. Especially compared to James. I found it hard enough to understand why Remus loved me. No not loved me; fancied me. But then Remus was a bit of a geek himself… I supposed that was the reason. But now I had the second fittest boy in the year fancying me! I couldn't believe it… But then of course I couldn't go out with him. I fancied Remus and James was a conceited jerk who cares for nothing but himself. My relationship with Remus was completely secret. I didn't find keeping secrets particularly hard as I had no best friends to tell and the few girls who I were friends with would never imagine anyone telling me a secret so they never asked either. Our relationship had to be kept secret to protect his reputation I thought. That and because one of his best friends, who just happens to be the most popular boy in school, has decided to take an interest in me. As I said; I think way too much.

"I reckon you have another boy already." I kept my head down and said nothing as he mused over this idea. "Pads are you going out with Evans?"

"Me? Why would I go out with her when I can get any girl in the whole school?" Sirius answered incredulously. "No offence." He added as an after thought.

"None taken." I replied briskly, without looking up from my book and out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius look at me in amazement; completely baffled by my attitude. He simply couldn't see why someone should not be offended when he tells them they're unattractive.

"Fair enough Pads," James said grinning at his best mate.

"What about you Moony? You doing my girl?" He asked, calmer this time. He didn't seriously expect someone to pick his geeky mate over him.

I stood up abruptly, putting my book in my bag which I slung over my shoulder.

"How dare you! I am not being _done_ by anyone Potter! And I am NOT your girl!" I walked briskly from the room as Sirius muttered to James,

"Why do you bother with her? She's a loner."

"Not to mention a geek." Peter added. I turned back at the portrait hole to see Sirius and Peter staring at James, who stood with his back to me, with credulous eyes. I glanced quickly over at Lupin. He also had his back to me but was staring out the window, his hands running through his hair in a way I knew so well. I had seen this look a lot since James had decided to take a fancy in me. It was the look of stress and worry. Worry for what his best friend might do if he found out and stress for keeping the secret from the marauders for 5 months. He'd never kept a secret from them before. Or so she thought.

*****

I went off to the library to have some time alone only to be joined by my one best friend. Severus Snape. Oh yeah and that was yet another reason why James' interest in me was so preposterous.

"Hey Sev," I said wearily.

"Heya Lil's. How are you?"

"Tired and annoyed."

"With what? Or who?"

"James Potter." I growled.

"Ah. Yes I saw that he seemed to have taken a liking to you… so you don't like him then?" Snape asked, feigning a lack of interest.

"Of course not!" Snape smiled and we went on to talk about trivial things.

**

We stayed in the library for near an hour until I decided I should be getting back; there was still some work I needed to do.

"See you around Sev." I called out to him as we went our different ways from the library.

"I hope so…" He murmured back.

"What?" I asked, taken aback.

"Don't worry it's nothing… I was being silly."  
"Wouldn't be the first time," I joked and he smiled back at me.

"Bye Lils." I waved back and continued my journey back to the common room deep in thought.

The common room was practically deserted and the people who were there either didn't care about me or didn't even notice me so I was able to go through unnoticed. I climbed up the stairs, dragging my feet in reluctance. Only one girl in my dorm liked me and only her and one other was actually nice to me. I think the other girl just took pity on me to be honest. As I opened the door I cast an uninterested glance around the room, taking in its other inhabitants.

In the corner, on the furthest bed, were Trixie, and Kayleigh, all crowded round the crying figure of Stephanie.

"…I mean I just don't see why? L-l-look at me. I'm gorgeous. She's no-nowhere near as pretty as me." She stopped, waiting expectantly and her followers answered quickly.

"No of course not."

"She's a real cow. Sirius is a dumb whore; you can do way better." Kayleigh assured her. Stephanie smiled at them all and they smiled sympathetically back.

"Thanks Kay. But it's like me and Sirius were like this." She crossed her two fingers. "And then I walk in on him and he's with that…" Honestly they were all hopeless. I rolled my eyes and looked over to the bed nearest me.

"Tess?" I questioned, shocked. Tessa was a Hufflepuff but had a habit of spending more time in our house than her own. Her best friend was Nancy and due to this they tended to do what they liked to call 'the sharing of space'. McGonnagall had found out about them sleeping over in each others houses once. She hadn't been happy, 'abusing house secrets' she called it. She was sat on Nancy's bed, Nancy herself being in detention, and reading, actually _reading_, a book. I'd never even seen her pick one up before.

"Yeah?"

"Are you… reading?! I mean… what are you reading?"

"Oh it's some book by Charles Dickens bloke. Don't be worried if you haven't heard of him. Neither had I before yesterday." Oh Merlin. Did I know Charles Dickens? I had only read practically every one of his books.

"Oh yeah I've heard of him."

"Really?" She said in astonishment, and to my surprise she was utterly serious.

"Yeah… which one are you reading?"

"Err…" She paused to look at the front cover, "Umm… oh here we go… Great Expectations. I've been reading for ages and I've only got to the bit with Pip and that other guy… what's his name again?" I laughed and shook my head slightly at her. Dickens was of course a wizard, something I had been fascinated to discover in my first year at Hogwarts.

"Do you, er, like reading?" I asked

"Oh no. I think it's dreadful."

"Then why are you…?"

"Oh there's this absolutely gorgeous boy called Darrel in Ravenclaw but his friend Mike said he only goes out with people he can have a 'decent intellectual conversation' with. Well I was thinking this might help even us up a bit," she smiled, as if proud of her plan.

"Okay… I'll leave you to it then…" I said, turning away with a smile on my face.

I looked to my left and saw that the bed next to mine had the curtains drawn, I skipped over it to the window seat at the end of the room where Maria was sitting. I walked over and sat down opposite her, stretching my legs out (it was a big window seat) and she smiled at me faintly before turning her attention back to the window.

"Someone's sleepy today," I said gesturing towards Sienna's bed which had the curtains drawn.

"Yep. Hardly a surprise mind; she was up all night in the common room."

"Why?"

She smirked, "With Sirius. Stephanie wasn't happy when she caught them kissing in front of the fire. I'm surprised you didn't hear their row."

"No, I didn't hear them at all. I must have been flat out." Or maybe it had a tiny little thing to do with the fact that I wasn't here last night; I had spent the night by the lake, with Remus.

"Lucky you." She smiled slightly although I heard a trace of bitterness in her voice. Sienna and Maria were supposed to be best friends and they were both nice… enough. Sienna didn't like me but she tried to hide this when Maria was there because Maria was always kind. We were never friends but we were kind to each other. So I had never heard Maria speak bitterly of anyone, let alone her best friend.

"I'm gunna go… somewhere." She told me, standing up and walking from the room.

"Don't forget the curfew," I called out to her.

"Okay Lily," She called over her shoulder.

*****

I stayed where I was, looking out of the window. It was nearly 9pm, in late June and the day had finally set into dusk. The sun was slowly giving way to the moon. I could see a few 6th and 7th years milling around in the grounds or down by the lake. Only the two highest years were allowed outside at this time; a new rule. There'd been talk of dark wizards around, nobody expected them to come anywhere near Hogwarts but still, you had to be careful.

It was as the sun finally disappeared over the mountains that I saw a group of four boys appear from the Entrance Hall, the light spilling out through the open doors illuminated them and I recognised them as the marauders. I frowned, wandering what they were up to. They knew as well as anyone else that fourth years weren't allowed out after 8.30pm these days. But then these were the marauders I supposed, they got kicks out of breaking rules.

I stayed looking down for another 5-10 minutes and everyone was slowly coming in from the grounds. After 9.30 only teachers were allowed outside and no one wanted to stay out anyway. Despite the late month, it was still cold at night. I found myself searching for the marauders amongst the trickle of people entering the castle but, to my surprise, and slight worry, there was no sign of them. In my search for them around the grounds, more light spilt through the doors and caught my attention. Out walked a student, a young student. In the stream of light I could vaguely make out that it was a girl with what looked like long hair and from the volume of it I guessed it was curly.

I heard a wolf howl and looked up automatically, there was a full moon and I shivered slightly. There were always rumours about a werewolf nearby. Some say it's a student, some a teacher, some a resident of Hogsmeade. Who knows, maybe there isn't one. But I was naturally more superstitious at night so I was hardly going to go and see if the rumours were true by myself. I snorted slightly at the thought of me going out there all brave and confronting a werewolf.

Kayleigh, who had just re-opened the curtains around her bed, raised one eyebrow and looked very disapprovingly at me. I struggled to keep from rolling my eyes as Kayleigh turned back to Stephanie and whispered something in her ear. Something about me I guessed as Steph turned and looked at me, raising her eyebrows at what Kayleigh was telling her. Steph came and put her dirty washing in the basket by the window I was sitting at and as she bent down she whispered so that only I could hear.

"First sign of madness is talking to yourself." I glared back at her as she went back to her own bed.

I turned my head away from her and watched as everyone started drawing the curtains around their beds so that they could change in privacy. I noticed that there was not just my bed empty but also another, on the other side of Sienna's. Maria's bed. Maria. I'd forgotten about her. Where had she gone? It was well past curfew she should have been back ages ago. And then it dawned on me. My head shot back round towards the window and I squinted into the darkness and finally made out the girl by the lights from the castle windows. The curls were bouncing up and down as she walked. Maria's curls. I looked up again as another howl echoed through the grounds. The full moon reflected off the water. But Maria wasn't looking at the water, or the sky, she was looking at the ground and dawdling her way across the grass. Heart thumping loudly in my chest, I stood up in horror.

Without hesitating I quickly strode across the room, making for the door.

"Not going out are we Evans? Breaking curfew? Naughty, naughty," Steph said, tucht-ing patronisingly at me.

"Shut up Steph," Tessa muttered and I smiled gratefully at her.

"What? All I wanted to know was where dear Lily was going?"

"You know why you care so much about other people's lives Steph?" I snapped. When she didn't answer I carried on. "Because you don't have one of your own." And with that I turned on my heel and sped from the room, all my energy focused on saving Maria. I heard a couple of snorts as I fled the room and a set of curtains being abruptly and angrily drawn. I grinned to myself but then, remembering where I was going, a serious face replaced it. Speeding down the grand staircase, I ran from the castle at the speed of light. Not slowing until I was in clear view of Maria, who was, thank god, safe and well. Physically at least for she still had the sad expression on her face. It was only when I slowed to walking pace that I became aware of the rustle in the nearby trees. Alert, my eyes darted around the forest edges but I couldn't make anything out in the impenetrable dark. And then everything was everywhere all at once.

I was first aware of the rat which darted passed my foot, making me yelp in surprise which alerted Maria to my being there. She began to say something when she saw that my horrified gaze was fixed on something beyond her. She froze, confusion clear on her face, until the snarling growl ripped its way through the dark night. She whipped round at once and, seeing the werewolf, started to back, shakily and slowly away. I couldn't just watch her die… and so I decided I would die with her. That's the sort of person I was, see. At least it wouldn't be a lonely death I thought, trying to lighten the situation in my mind.

"Maria!" I called out, running towards her. When I was next to her she grasped hold of my hand so tight that it hurt.

"How did you know to come?" She whispered, not taking her eyes off the beast before us.

"I, I saw you from the window. I didn't know if the rumours were true but I couldn't take the risk, sorry I wasn't quicker," I whispered.

"Thank you," she breathed. The werewolf stood on his hind legs and howled to the moon making us both quiver with fear. And then the rat which had run passed me earlier bit the creatures tail and he yelped in pain and then, being unable to see the rat in the dark, turned once more on us and we both screamed, shattering the still, night air.

Then I was suddenly aware of two other animals joining the midst. A stag came and charged at the werewolf, knocking it over whilst a dog came and stood, fur on end, in front of us. The stag turned and came running fast towards us and as he looked up at me, the look he gave me was almost worried but then this was only a stag; it couldn't be. The dog nuzzled its head into Maria's neck who had crouched down beside him, scratching him behind his ear. The stag nudged at my half open hand and I stroked his nose then down his back and he shivered, as if in pleasure.

And then all of a sudden the werewolf let another snarl echo through the night and as I looked over, I saw that he was back on his feet. Both the stag and dog turned their backs on us and stood, poised for attack, a few feet in front. It was as if they were protecting us. The werewolf made a lunge at us and the other two darted forward, ready to spring- and the werewolf was away, darting off around the lake. But then he feinted and all of a sudden he had the upper hand, the other two had lost their control. The werewolf came running up and lunged at us, tearing at our fronts. We both screamed in agony and fell to the floor as the dog and stag lunged at the werewolf who fell down, defeated.

The moon was temporarily covered by a veil of cloud and the werewolf lifted his head dazedly and, through my own pain which was beginning to cloud my eyes, I saw his eyes, less wolfish and more human now. And in that split second of cloud cover I saw a pair of eyes I recognised and loved so very much.

"Remus," I gasped before succumbing to the coming blackness that would relieve my pained and confused mind. Before I lost consciousness completely, I noticed the stag cock his head to the side and wandered vaguely before I went out how the animal could have heard what I said. But then I wasn't in my right state of mind so I'd probably imagined it. Then I closed my eyes and found the darkening pull too great to bare and went under entirely.

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**What do you think? **

**I'll put chapter 2 up some time later..**


	2. My Curse

_Ok chapter 2 is up :) Disclaimer: I own nothing except people you dont recognise..._

_I hope you enjoy_

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I opened my eyes to a piercingly bright, white light. For a moment or two I believed I'd gone to heaven before certain shapes begun to define themselves and I saw both James and Remus sitting beside me; they weren't dead, I was sure.

"Where am I?" I asked drowsily and both boys shot their heads up and took hold of a hand each. My eyes coming back to normal, I noticed a look of puzzled shock pass from James to Remus but Remus either didn't see it or had no care for it.

"Hey Remus," I smiled to my boyfriend who was sitting on my left. I looked up into his hazel eyes and smiled and although he smiled back, it didn't quite touch his eyes; there was some heavy sadness in there though for what I didn't know and thought better than to ruin the moment with it. Sensing another gaze I quickly turned my head to the left and smiled slightly up at James.

"Hi James. Umm… why are you here? Not to be rude but… well, you know… actually why am I here?" I asked, trying to sit up but gasping in agony as a searing pain went through my main body. Both boys sat up straighter and ran their hands over my pillow helplessly. Honestly, I felt like a dog with too many admirers. Feeling exceedingly awkward I pulled back as much as I could from both sets of hands. They both felt nice in my hair and both hands seemed to fit perfectly in my own yet I was fully aware that this must look like a bloody grooming session to any other spectators.

"Please, just keep your hands to yourself, both of you," I added when only Remus drew back. I saw the hurt in both pairs of eyes and felt guilty, though only for one set of eyes. I looked up at Remus in what I hoped was apology and he smiled sadly back. "Anyway back to my previous question… why am I in the hospital wing? Well I'm guessing it's because of my chest but what hap- pened… Oh," I gasped, suddenly getting a flashback of the dog and stag lunging at the werewolf; the wolf ripping down mine and Maria's fronts; Remus' eyes staring up at me through the wolfish yellow glare.

"Remus," I murmured. He looked down at me guiltily. I stared into his hazel eyes and he stared back. I didn't know what to feel. I guessed I should feel scared, disgusted even, most people would. But I wasn't most people. I loved Remus and I very much hoped he still loved me. This didn't change a thing.

James cleared his throat and my head shot round in surprise. Remus continued looking at me sadly but I looked determinedly away, fearing I would give us away.

I looked at James who was staring at Remus, eyes alight with an unspoken challenge. Remus quickly looked away from James' eyes and muttered something incomprehensible. He made to turn away but I spoke.

"Remus…" I murmured, not knowing what I wanted from him. His hand brushed against my own in the only love which he could show and with that he strode quickly from the room. I turned back to James now the only one with me.

I looked up into his chocolate eyes and he looked back down at me. Our eyes locked and in his eyes, his one, small, unguarded part of himself, I saw what he would never tell. I looked into his eyes and I saw sadness, fear and what I could only describe as pain. Somewhere at the very edges I could see what cold easily be mistaken for happiness yet I was sure it was jealousy. I looked more and my eyes were distracted by the dark patch beneath each of his eyes.

Hesitantly, I outstretched my arm and with my forefinger I brushed the bags beneath his eyes lightly. I looked at him as in assurance that this was too personal and he shook his head ever so slightly. My finger travelled lightly down the side of his face and along his bottom lip where it stopped.

"What is it?" He murmured. I turned my head away from his as my hand fell dejectedly to my side. What was I doing? I loved Remus not James. I cared for James as no more than a friend. I hoped at least. He wasn't even my friend. Honestly, I was annoying myself with all these _boy_ worries. As I ran my finger along his lip I couldn't deny the tingling feeling that had gone through my spine, making me shudder and, in turn, shrink away from this feeling.

I could feel his gaze on me a while longer before he too backed away and out the doors. I sighed in relief, finally turning my head towards Maria's lifeless body.

She wasn't moving. Blood had smeared her front and there was a long gash going from her forehead to her chin. I wandered vaguely how long I'd been out; how much longer she'd be out for.

I looked up ever so slightly as the door opened and saw that it was Sirius and he was making his way towards Maria and I. He stopped when he saw Maria and glimpsed, maybe for the first time, the full extent of her injury. He stayed there for a while, not sensing my gaze.

"She'll be alright Sirius," I said, breaking the grievous silence. He turned quickly and I smiled at him slightly and he returned it faintly.

"I hope you're right Lily… I hope you're right…" He murmured, a tear leaked from the corner of his eye.

"What is it?"

"I could have saved her… I was too slow…" He whispered and I looked up in surprise before grasping what he was talking about.

"It was no ones fault Sirius."

He looked down at me through tear filled eyes.

"How can you know that?"

"You were nowhere to be seen last night Sirius; you couldn't have known she was in danger," Sirius blinked at me in surprise then, seeming to remember something, nodded, more to himself than to me.

"I should be going…" He sighed when the bell went. I nodded.

"Oh and um, could you ask Remus to come see me when he can? Please?" I asked. Sirius looked puzzled but then nodded, obviously too worn out to worry over this. He walked across the room towards the doors where he turned back to me.

"Go easy on him Evans…" He told me and I nodded unsurely. It was only as he walked down the corridor that I grasped what he was on about; he had heard my revelation last night, he knew I knew. He was warning me not to be too harsh on him, if only he knew… I sighed, letting my mind wander to other things.

I wasn't alone for long. Mere minutes later Remus walked slowly in, his eyes not breaking contact from my own. I was worried that my smile wouldn't reach my eyes and that my confusion would be mistaken for terror, but he didn't flinch, merely stared back at me.

"Sit down Remus," I said softly, and he sat down beside my bed. We sat in silence; I wasn't sure what to say. What do you say when you've just found out that your boyfriend attacked you the other night because he is, in fact, a werewolf?

"I'm so sorry Lily," He whispered at last. I looked up into his eyes and saw tears welling up, threatening to fall. I stroked the side of his face with the back of my hand and he closed his eyes in pleasure. "I don't deserve you Lily," He sighed and I frowned at him.

"More like I don't deserve you," I corrected.

"What? I'm murderous lunatic!"

"No you're not, you're a werewolf. It's natural. The saying werewolves are ferocious is like the one blondes are dumb; there's no difference in the statements, they're both utterly ridiculous," I said simply and he looked at me with a disapproving frown on his face.

"You should be scared of me and ditching me right this second."

"And you should be grateful that I'm not," I snarled and he rolled his eyes at me.

"You're hopeless…" He shook his head and I grinned.

"That's why I need you," I whispered in his ear leaning forward a bit. I tried to bend forward some more to reach him but my chest was complaining. I winced and shut my mouth tight, scared any noise I made would make Remus even surer that he was a demon in disguise.

"I'll have to leave you to do the kissing," I smiled, trying to lighten the situation. He stood up, shaking his head. "Hope you're not thinking of going," I frowned. He looked at me questioningly. I raised an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes before bending down and kissing me on the lips. I grinned as he pulled away and he couldn't deny a smile lifting the corners of his own lips.

"You're bad for me…" he grumbled.

"That's rich," I laughed jokingly and he laughed too before kissing me quickly on the head and walking out.

As he began to walk away his eye was caught by Maria's motionless body. He stopped where he was, staring at her with unseeing eyes. I looked at her too, she really was awful. I hoped she didn't die, despite the fact that half of Gryffindor house would be up in arms, Maria was popular and a very good chaser, it would surely kill Remus. Tears had started to leak once more through his closed eyelids.

"Remus?" I asked quietly. He turned to me, running his hands through his hair in stress, his face etched with terror.

"What have I done Lily? What have I done?" he gasped in between tears. I longed to get out of bed and hold him in my arms, tell him he did what every werewolf did, what they felt they had to do. He was no different as a wolf. As a person then he was definitely nicer than most if not all but as a werewolf he was just the same.

He had turned on his heel and was off, sprinting through the open doors to the corridors. I had to do something… I couldn't just leave him. My mind was racing and then I finally formed a plan in my mind. Lets just hope I could do what I'd read of so many times. A patronus, I had to send one to the marauders; they had to find Remus.

"Expecto Patronum!" I said and nothing but a wisp of silver came out. I tried again, thinking of a happy memory… Remus and I sitting by the lake, the necklace he gave me. I reached beneath my gown to where it still lay, cold on my bare skin. Holding the stone in one hand, I repeated the words stronger.

It worked; standing in front of me was a silvery doe. I sent her off with my message, hoping beyond hope it would work and they would get to him in time.

I was still waiting anxiously when Maria coughed from the bed beside me.

"Maria, are you ok?" I asked quickly, my eyes widening. She was coughing, hand to her mouth and when she took her hand away it was covered; covered in blood. She stared at her hand, horrified before coughing again. Her body went into spasm and she started shaking violently, still coughing blood.

"Madam Pomphrey!" I cried and she came quickly out of her office, looking at me expectantly. I pointed, horrified, to Maria's bed and her own eyes widened for a second before she put herself to action. I watched her, wide eyed, whilst she muttered spells and checked Maria's temperature as Maria fitted uncontrollably.

After a while Madam Pomphrey went to do something but then stopped and quickly drew the curtains around Maria's bed and I was just left, staring unseeingly at Maria's curtains.

I stayed like this until the hospital doors bashed open and four boys strode in, grinning from ear to ear. All except one. I turned my eyes to his own and I gazed into the hazel depths. He stared back, his scar covered face glistening with the tears already shed. Remus looked from me over to Maria's bed and he closed his eyes for a moment before turning his back on me and walking to the other side of the room.

"We found him, lily-flower. Honestly, you worry far too much; he'd only got to the bathroom for Merlin's sake!" James called over, walking towards me grinning. I looked over at. His round face was full of joy, the grin stretched across unceremoniously. He was staring into my eyes and I met his own. He frowned, puzzled by my facial expression I guessed, and his grin dropped from his face as he took in the closed curtains. Sirius had followed this exchange with his own eyes and then he too took in the closed curtains. His eyes widened in horror and the grin fell abruptly. Peter was the last to catch on and when he did he looked to the ground; his eyes flickering from James to Sirius.

"What's happening?" A hoarse voice asked from the corner of the room. I looked to Remus' turned back and he turned his head to the side slightly to hear the answer.

"I don't know," I muttered, tears threatening to spill. Remus must have heard this in my voice for he quickly spun round and came quickly to my side and stroked my hair as I sat in the bed.

"I'm sorry," he murmured and I shook my head slightly. I saw James watching us out of the corner of my eye but I focussed on Remus before I had a chance to feel guilty at the look in his eyes.

*****

It was nightfall by the time all the visitors had left.

Maria had had her many friends dropping by frequently throughout the day, despite the fact she was still comatose, and Tessa had come by to see me earlier. They had all been told a normal wolf had attacked us when we had 'strayed irresponsibly' into the forest. No one questioned this; after all, everyone knew not to risk the forest.

I hadn't seen the Marauders since the morning when James had, quite abruptly, requested 'a word' with Remus. Sirius had stayed for a moment more, Peter hesitating in his shadow, before following his friends out with a hollow look in his eyes.

I stared unseeingly up at the moon through the high windows. I wondered where Remus was now… I wondered if James had hurt him, boiling anger rising inside of me at this thought.

I swore then, that should James Potter ever hurt Remus, ever come between us, I would tear his goddamn heart out. See how it felt for him.

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What do you think? _**REVIEW PLEASE**_

This is all that I had written for this fic two years ago and only just found so I will have to start writing again for chapter 3, if people want it to carry on of course.


	3. Sleep With One Eye Open

_Okay, firstly I am _so _sorry for the delay with this chapter! I must admit I sort of forgot about it and then lately I've had tonss of exams so my minds been slightly boggled. I neglected studying for my geography exam tomorrow to write this so you guys better like it (:_

_Secondly, I have just read over the first two chapters and the writing is dreadfully cringe-worthy :\ So sorry about that... Hopefully this chapters much better (i hope so anyway)_

_Hope you enjoy._

_As ever, read and review! (:_

_

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_Remus didn't come to see me the next day, nor the next, nor even the next. The day after that I was let out, Maria had to stay longer, due to an infection of the wound which, as had been discovered, made her very ill, but Madam Pomphrey insisted that she was over the worst of it and would make a full recovery in time.

In the mean time, I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. I considered going to my dormitory, but figured that would do me little good. I also thought about going to the library to catch up on some of the work I'd missed, but I just wasn't in the mood. What I really wanted to do was see Remus. But that, by the looks of things, wouldn't be happening any time soon. Sighing slightly, I made my way down the Grand Staircase, without any clear idea of where I was going. It was a surprise, therefore, when I heard someone call my name not two minutes after I had started walking. I spun around to see Sirius strolling down the corridor towards me. I waited where I was for him to catch up, wondering what on earth he had to say to me.

"Lily, we need to talk," Sirius told me, his voice hard. I raised an eyebrow.

"We do?"

"Mhm."

"About?" I questioned and he looked at me as one would look at a very simple child who could simply not figure out how one and one added to make two. I was visibly affronted; being the brightest witch in the year.

"My friends," He relented eventually and my mouth opened to form an 'oh', realisation hitting me. Did he know? Did James know? Had James and Remus fought? Was Remus lying in a ditch, beaten to a pulp, at this very moment in time? My thoughts roamed wild before I registered Sirius standing expectantly before me. I decided to play dumb; as much as that thought pained me.

"Of… of course. Erhm what is it, quite, that you wanted to talk about?" I asked, a look of what was hopefully innocence on my face. He merely stared at me for a moment, evidently able to see through my guise as easily as if it weren't there. I continued to look pleasantly puzzled.

"You're telling me that you, Lily Evans, brightest witch in the year, doesn't already know?" He raised a sceptical eyebrow. I nodded.

"Let me spell it out for you then, darling," he drawled, once again as though talking to a naive child. I tried not to bristle. "Remus Lupin; man of little words. Watched by many of the female species, though he himself pays them no heed. Occasionally thought to 'bat for the other side' so they say. One of the brightest wizards in the year. Dislikes Quidditch, much preferring to spend his time with a book. Has three best friends; the Marauder's. Never kept a secret from them in all his life. Lied to many others, yes, but not his fellows. Now, tell me Lily, which of those statements would you say is a lie?" Sirius gazed down at me, his eyes burning. I paled rapidly.

"I wouldn't know," I whispered, to which he shook his head.

"Wrong answer there, my love." His voice was soft; dangerously so. I shook slightly, for once positively frightened by the boy before me. "I'll ask you again, which of the aforementioned statements is false?"

Somehow he had managed to position himself so that I was pinned against the wall, a mere breath's width between us. I gulped.

"I don't know what you mean," I breathed, quieter than the time before. He shook his head once more

"Yes, yes you do Lily. But I'll tell you anyway, just in case you're as dumb as you're pretending to be. The lie was the ridiculous notion that your best fucking friend might actually trust you enough _not_ to keep anything from you," Sirius let out the bark-like laugh he was infamous for. Personally, I couldn't see anything remotely funny about the situation. "As I said; a ridiculous thought, utterly so. After the first secret, we all assumed that was the last. We forgave him for that little lie. Though of course I'm sure darling Lily knew all about that before even us," Sirius sneered.

"Wha-a-at?" My voice shook as I questioned what he'd previously said.

"About the wolf of course, because surely you know all about that."

"N-no. I only realised the other night…"

"Oh yes, the revelation. I _did _wonder at that…"

"How did you know what I said? Did Remus tell you?"

"Oh no, I was there. Don't you remember? I was the dog."

I gasped in revelation.

"The stag…"

"Yes, that was dear James. See how he wanted to save you? And this is how you repay him. _This_ is how you repay my brother…" I quaked in fear; Sirius was looking down at me with a positively murderous expression upon his face.

"I… I didn't know…"

"What? Didn't know that James loved you? My, my Lily, you really _aren't_ as bright as they all say you are, are you?" Sirius told me condescendingly and, gathering myself up to my highest height, I glared at him.

"Shut the fuck up Black. You don't know what the hell you're talking about, you know that right? If James loved me, don't you think he'd show me just a little bit more respect? And what about Remus? Remus freaking loves me too, but I don't see you jumping to his aid," I snarled.

"I don't take kindly to liars," He hissed at me and I growled.

"Can you really blame him for not telling you? This," I gestured to the both of us, "pretty much sums up your attitude towards me. Wouldn't you agree? What about your own love life Black? How about Maria, calm, caring Maria who would never hurt a fly, how about her? You care for her, yes?"

"I don't see what business it is of yours Evans," His eyes flashed.

"Do you really think she'd appreciate you ditching a best friend?" He stared down at me for a while before backing away a step, the fire gone from his eyes which were once more calm and devoid of all emotion; a trait most commonly associated with the Slytherins.

"You're wrong; it is you, Evans, who does not know what it is they talk about, not me. You're going to get what's coming to you Evans, one way or another. Nobody messes with the Marauder's; nobody messes with my best friend. Don't trust the shadows Red." And then he turned and walked away, leaving me shaking. I sunk to the floor, longing for Remus' arms around me; knowing I may not have them for a long time to come.

That was the first time I caught a glimpse of Sirius' dark side; the side which he claimed to have forgone. The side which belonged also to Narcissa and Bellatrix, the side which caused people such surprise upon hearing which house the youngest Black had been sorted into. I knew the truth there and then, the startling clarity of it almost, but not quite, throwing me. For so long as Sirius held his name, for so long as he carried _their_ blood in _his_ veins, he could never be rid of his Black side; not ever.

…

Severus was sitting in the Slytherin common room, idly whiling away the time with annotating his potions book, something which would most definitely scandalise Slughorn, let alone the librarian.

He hadn't seen Lily all week, loathe was he to go visit her where people may notice him. It didn't do well for a Slytherin to visit a muggle-born. It was a Saturday and so most of his fellows were out around the castle and its grounds. He was taking advantage of the silence for an opportunity to sit alone for once, without the constant noise.

He should have known his peace would not be long-lived.

Bellatrix soon came sauntering into the room, a smile playing its way across her face. That was a foreboding sign to say the least.

"What's put you in such a good mood Bella?" Severus questioned, a slight smirk on his face.

"Oh nothing, just my _darling_ cousin," Bella's smirk widened and Severus' eyebrow rose disbelievingly.

"Now why do I find that so hard to believe?"

"Tis true."

"_Really_ Bella? What could possibly give you any reason to be pleased with our traitor of a cousin?" Narcissa drawled, appearing at the top of the stairs.

"Oh, darling Cissy, if you had only heard him…"

"Well now I'm intrigued. Come on, out with it," Narcissa fell elegantly onto the sofa beside Severus who was watching Bellatrix curiously.

"I believe we may have spoken too… rashly, in regard to him being disowned from the family." Severus' eyebrows rose impossibly high and Narcissa's lips parted in slight surprise.

"Oh?" She questioned of her elder sister.

"Cissy, I believe he may not have lost his Black self as we so believed. I happened to have been walking down the fifth-floor corridor when I witnessed Sirius engaging in discussion with the mudblood Evans," Bellatrix did not pause as she fleetingly frowned at Severus for his acquaintance with said mudblood, "and naturally I was intrigued."

Narcissa looked slightly repulsed, "They weren't… engaging in matters other than speech, were they?"

Bellatrix laughed a silvery laugh.

"If that had been the case, dearest sister, I would surely have ripped her to shreds for daring to touch a Black with her unclean hands. No, they were having a rather heated conversation. Neither had noticed my presence-"

"Once again showing how little Sirius has learnt since being with the light ones…" Narcissa noted to which Bellatrix inclined her head.

"Absolutely, though there may still be time. Towards the end of their conversation, consisting of Sirius attacking Evans for she had hurt Potter by chasing the Lupin boy, Sirius threatened Evans, truly _threatened_ her!" This last sentence was said delightedly, in the same way one would boast of their child's exceeding skills in Charms.

Severus' expression was tense, despite his upbringing, his concern for the redhead was undeniably stronger than his pleasure that Sirius was still, in fact, a Black. Narcissa however had allowed a truly glorious smile to illuminate her features, a rapturous expression upon her face. Bellatrix's own mirrored her sister's perfectly.

"Well, well, well, what's got you two lovely ladies smiling so?" Lucius smirked, walking into the common room with his arm wrapped loosely around Yaxley's waist.

"Our cousin," They answered in perfect unison, turning as one to face the two who had just entered.

Severus listened numbly as Bellatrix once again relayed the story. He personally didn't find the story pleasing in the slightest. Feeling somewhat queasy, he stood and swept from the room, his robes billowing behind him.

…

It was late. The sun was slowly disappearing over the horizon, its golden hues slow-dancing across the surface of the lake. The sky was a powdered blue, an occasional cloud twirling its way across the wide expanse. There was a soft wind playing with the rustling leaves of the beech tree. A lone hummingbird was sitting on a branch, singing its gentle tune, calling out for his family perhaps. It moved slightly on its branch and the sun caught the side of its wing, the jade and turquoise colour shining brighter than before. The red-headed girl watching took a sharp intake of breath at its beauty. The bird looked at her and, it would seem ridiculous, but as she gazed into the birds eyes, there was a sense of camaraderie between them; they weren't alone. As this thought registered in both their minds, tears started pouring swiftly down the girl's face. She didn't move to brush them away, choosing to keep staring at the bird. The sun suddenly disappeared over the horizon, the surroundings becoming gradually darker. The bird had started, as though this switch had brought it back to the present. He ruffled his wings slightly before stretching them out and taking off from the branch. He never looked in the direction of the strange human again, but said strange human watched him till he was swallowed by the encroaching darkness.

The breeze was blowing softly, the silence of the grounds echoing in my ears. I didn't know where everyone else was; avoiding me no doubt. I was mildly surprised to find I didn't care. It had been a few hours since I had been confronted by Sirius. I had spent this time by myself, stood by the lake in the same position all evening. For once, I found myself utterly alone. My fellow Gryffindor females had forever been uninterested by myself but before I had Remus, and before him, I had Severus. Those two boys had meant everything to me. And now I hadn't seen either in days. I had the feeling Severus was avoiding me, though I guess he too thought me a fool now, for venturing into the Forest.

I hadn't caught a glimpse of Remus since that time in the Hospital Wing though. I hadn't seen James either; for which I was thankful. I could do without another Sirius-like run-in today.

I needed to see Remus. I needed to feel his strong arms around me. I needed to hear his voice telling me it would all be okay. I needed to see his eyes soften upon seeing me. I needed to see his face break into that beautiful smile I was so fond of.

I needed Remus.

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_What do you think?_

_Sirius had undergone a slight character transformation and I do understand if you dont particularly like it... Just let me know (:_

_BIG thanks to **.Fish.** and **Roxanne**. I love you both in excessive amounts. _


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